Walk Away from Happy: Why I Traded Happiness for Fulfillment
We’re asked from the time we’re children if we’re happy, what will make us happy, and we, often, think it's our job to make others happy. We’re hardcoded from the time we’re toddlers to seek out happy: “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” But, here’s the thing: Happiness is both fleeting and a false flag.
How many times have you said—or heard others say, “I’ll be happy when ______.” How many times have you chased happiness and it felt elusive, at best, and unobtainable, at worst? Or, it became a measuring stick of comparison (social media has been particularly effective in this way).
What if doing something that makes you happy simply is not available to you, right now? Maybe you’re a busy parent or caregiver and your wants and desires simply take the backseat, right now. Should you have to feel guilty, defiant, or worse, less than, simply because you can’t get on the happy train? NO.
Instead of happiness, I now aim for fulfillment. Happiness is a short-term, outcome-based experience. Fulfillment is a deeper connection that I can experience everyday and in the long-term. Fulfillment allows me to align my actions, thoughts, and behaviors with my values and purpose … even as they change and evolve. Fulfillment fills me with contentment and feels more vital, more … robust—it has yet to feel hollow. I can absolutely be both fulfilled and happy, but happiness is no longer a prerequisite. Where happiness is the Van Gogh print, fulfillment is the original in all its ultra-textured, vibrant glory.
In both my role as a Doctor of Clinical Nutrition and as a marketing and product strategy Advisor to food, Femtech, health and wellness, and climate/sustainability startups, I spend a lot of time with high performers who are stressed out. They’re highly passionate, impact-driven, and have a clear WHY—they are deeply connected to their North Star.
The ones that navigate the daily ups and downs of life and the startup world with the most ease are the ones who don’t seek, chase or—dare I say—settle for happiness. They’re the ones who find fulfillment in what they do. Because they know they’re in it for the long haul. And, when times are the hardest they think they can ever be, when they’re at their lowest, when they feel like no one else understands, or they feel like they’re screaming into a void and no one is listening, they can maintain the ferocity of their belief and resolve because they’re solving an important problem and, yes, they can find fulfillment in between the hard moments. They can find the space between the breaths.
Finding fulfillment has led me to live a life that is more aligned with what I believe my purpose is … it’s not why I started seeking it out, but is a profoundly positive side effect, which, in turn, has helped me feel more grounded, more vibrant, and, yes, happier. The irony is not lost on me.
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Photo by Kevin Malik