The purpose to your Purpose and the why behind your WHY

My Purpose and Why … shared publicly for the first time; buckle-up, it’s a lot

Recently, I co-led a meeting of women business leaders in my community. My co-host asked us to think about our WHY. And, going beyond simply articulating our Why, to consider how it influences our story – both as a personal narrative and a business narrative. I went into the exercise not really expecting to get anything new out of it. Not because I didn’t find value in the exercise, but because I’ve been really clear on my Purpose for a long time.

But here’s one of my most immediate learnings: My Why and my Purpose are not the same thing.

I mean that was a big mind-blown, mental unlock moment for me. Am I alone in that? I think I’ve used the concept of my Why and my Purpose interchangeably for years. I mean at least as long as I’ve ever been aware of a Why or since I first heard someone ask: What’s your WHY?

I think it’s important to check-in periodically with ourselves. To understand what’s driving change or consistency in our internal worlds and lives. If you’re a business owner, we should be mindful to check in with both our personal and business Purpose and Why(s), because we change, markets change, customers changes, policies change, the world changes … and though we may desire to compartmentalize like a mo-fo, for most of us our personal and work lives (whether you’re a business owner or not) are deeply intertwined. And as trite (and dramatic) as the saying may be in business: Evolve or die.

All of this got me thinking a bit philosophically about Purpose, Why, existence, meaning. And, while I enjoy philosophical theories about as much as I enjoy riddles … which is to say not at all in the least, I am a big fan of introspection and thought experiments. If you haven’t checked-in with yourself about your Purpose and Why recently, join me as I ramble my way through mine. Then take a moment and think about yours.

Purpose vs You Why, What Even is the Difference?

I view Purpose (with the BIG P) as being the answer to the questions: What have I been put on this planet to do? What do I exist to do or be? Why am I here? Yeah … that big existential beast of a question. Some folks – myself included – think of it as your dharma. And, though “Why am I here?” is a why-type question, it’s not the same in meaning and intention as when we’re asked: What’s your Why?

“What’s your Why?” is much more synonymous with “What drives you?” Why are you doing the thing you are doing? At your very core, deep-down, what is that thing, or the things, that matter so deeply to you that it/they will keep you going when all you want to do is quit? What’s the seed to the motivation?

I’ve often thought about these two concepts (Purpose and the Why) separately. In fact, I’ve done a fair bit of introspection on both, though my Why to a much lesser degree, especially recently. I think both your Purpose and your Why can change over time with life and life experience.

We make decisions and determinations based on the information we have available to us and the way that information and our experiences create our perceptions and perspectives. Theoretically, as we grow and mature, we gain more valuable life experiences and learnings that continue to inform our knowledge, perceptions and perspectives, which, in turn, can and should inform and evolve our Purpose and our Whys.

Some of us may never know or understand our Purpose on this planet, while others are seemingly born knowing it. I assure you if you asked me at age 10 what my Purpose is and then asked me in my teens and early 20s, you’d probably get a range of very different answers – the most honest being, “I don’t know.” Because, though, I’ve long felt I was put here to do something meaningful, it took me until I was in my 30s to be able to articulate what that really meant.

Our Purpose can be something that is more finite. But, our Whys, at least to me, are dynamic. And, more reflective of where we are in life. My husband and I are childless by choice, but I know with 100% certainty that for several friends and clients their Whys changed after they had children or grandchildren. I have had many a client whose Why for making BIG health changes are centered on wanting to be alive, present and physically well enough to be an active participant in their kids’ lives.

For much of my corporate career, I don’t think I even had a Why, but my motivation focused on achieving and attaining certain career goals … hitting a certain salary level, a specific title, by a certain age. My value as a human and my self-identity were deeply rooted in my career and, further, in a 24/7 grind mindset. Very ego-driven. I wore long days and impending burn-out like a badge of honor.

I should back-up and say that I am a do-er. I’m a builder. I’m an over-achiever. I thrive in a certain amount of chaos. It gives me energy and it delights me. Last year, on my podcast A Coach, a Nutritionist, and an Expert Walk Into a Podcast, we had a psychic medium, astrologer and shaman on the show. My co-host Mike and I agreed that we would do individual astrological birth chart readings with her and then record an episode where she talks about the overlaps and differences in our charts and what that could mean for our business and friendship (it’s called a synastry reading).

I went into it skeptically but with a very open mind (which describes my approach to a lot in life). She said several things that were downright creepy-level accurate. One of things she said resonated so deeply (and made me simultaneously laugh): I’m such a do-er, that doing is practically spiritual to me. Yeah, that’s about right. I learned a LONG time ago that balance means something very different to me, and my love of doing and building means finding and maintaining balance is critical for my sanity and the sanity of those around me.

All that to say that it’s not surprising that for a long time I measured my value based on how much I was doing, and the doing itself was its own motivation.

I’m still a do-er, but what’s changed is that understanding my Purpose and my Why has helped me be more intentional with what I do, how much I take on, what I give my energy and time to, and what I allow to take up space rent-free in my brain. I’m more selective about the fucks I want to give. I am unapologetic about the boundaries I establish and maintain.

Trigger Warning: This next section talks about equality, equity and representation, specifically, as a woman. So, if you find these topics “woke” (heavy air quotes) and get triggered by “woke” things … it’s probably a good time for you to bounce out of this article.

My Purpose & My Why

My Purpose on this planet, what I would call my dharma, most simply stated is: To help people increase/enhance their health and wellbeing.

My Why is what underlies that Purpose. Not just motivation. Not just a North Star. But the burning, deep-seated fire that stokes the flame of my efforts. It’s what gives my Purpose context, meaning, and drive.

Because I had not really ever made the distinction between the two, when I sat down in that women’s business group meeting to do a five-minute free-write about my Why, it was surprising when I felt stumped. I had a hard time articulating what I was thinking and feeling. But, once I started that path of introspection and reflection, it started to become clear. Not in this sudden wave of overwhelming clarity – it was actually a challenging five minutes for me – but in a trickle that came together over the course of several days.

My Why 1: Belonging

What has been clear to me for a long time, and has been at the center of my Why (and private practice) long before I articulated it, is something that is more esoteric and conceptual than I expected: Belonging.

See, for the better part of my life, I’ve often felt like I don’t belong in most spaces. Even as a child, whether at school, at dance, or in my family. I’m certainly not alone in this. I think it’s really common for kids, and people of all ages, to feel like they don’t belong, especially as we figure out who we are. As an adult, imposterism/imposter syndrome became a thing for me.

I’ll say here, I think it’s possible to blend in but not fit in, and it’s possible to fit in and not belong. I think at some point, I learned how to blend in and I figured out how to fit in, but … belonging? Elusive. Not for lack of trying. Often the attempts to fit in would simply backfire; it was inauthentic and, when I was a teenager, mean-spirited. Sometimes, blending in was the best I could hope for.

Over the years, with a lot of effort, it became easy (and even a cornerstone of my career) to navigate the ambiguous, to straddle multiple worlds, to become extremely adaptable. While even still not necessarily feeling a sense of belonging. The biggest thing that changed for me? I found belonging in myself – in my body and mind.

This might sound really weird. Finding belonging in yourself. Bear with me.

In working with so many clients over the years, I’ve found that a tremendous number of them don’t feel like they belong in their own body. They don't feel like they have understanding, let alone acceptance, of their body or mind. We may not feel like we belong in certain places and spaces, but we should, at the very least, feel like we belong in our own body.

If you’re reading this and you're stumped, 1) AWESOME! I’m glad you’ve never had to feel that way, and 2) here’s an example: Think of a time you’ve been injured and your mind defaults to its normal but your body doesn’t comply … it’s like … how does this meat suit even work? It’s kind of like that but varies person to person. It’s not always about physical capability, that’s just part of the example. Maybe this just falls in that IYKYK territory.

My Why 2: Supporting Badass Warrior Women, so They can Continue to Conquer

The second Why revelation came from equity and representation … and probably circles back to a fair bit of the belonging.

For my entire working career, I have been told that I’m a diversity hire (before that verbiage was ever a thing). I’ve worked in mostly male-dominated spaces: Tech, energy, ag science. And, I’ve been told directly and indirectly that I’ve only gotten to where I am because of affirmative action quotas, then later, because of DEI. I have busted my ass twice as hard only to make less than my male counterparts … I’ve seen this on paper, this is not just bluster. Even when I wanted to be a ballerina, men were (and are) still more highly valued than female dancers. I’m so over it. I’m tired of hearing it. I’m tired of being told it.

I have 25 years of marketing and product strategy experience. I’ve had a nutrition, Ayurveda, yoga and reiki private practice for nearly a decade (concurrent to my full-time corporate roles while also going to school). I have two Master’s Degrees, a host of certificates, and a Doctorate. I have a strong network and a stellar track record of high performance (even while having some pretty shitty bosses, work experiences, and experiencing overt biases … how many business meetings have YOU had to take from a strip club that was also an actual bordello?). At what point will I be enough?

I used to get real worked up about the whole thing, these days I just roll my eyes. I honestly didn’t think that in 2025 – with alllll of that work and education under my belt – that I would still have to be justifying my right to be in the workplace.

But, this is not an article about my thoughts and feelings on the current state of women’s rights and representation. So, why does this even matter?

Well, it wasn’t until 1993, that women were widely included in clinical trials. Until then – and, often still – we are considered to be small men. Research study findings and health recommendations from prescription amounts to BMI and beyond would simply apply the results from small men to us – regardless of the fact that our physiology works very differently. And, most of the women’s health studies have been focused on “bikini medicine” – the conditions and diseases associated with our reproductive parts.

Women’s health is the health of the whole woman, not just the parts that are unique to women. We experience higher rates of depression; higher rates of dementia and Alzheimer's, heart disease is the leading cause of mortality (more than all cancers combined), we out-live men and make the majority of the expense decisions, yet our quality of life in the older years is worse and we’re still viewed as a niche market (half of the population! Come on!).

On top of this, women founders only receive 2% of all VC funding despite the numbers showing that companies with at least one woman on the founding team actually financially out-perform all-male teams.

In both my nutrition private practice and my fractional CMO/startup Advisor consultancy, I work with high-performing, high-achieving women who are working to solve important, meaningful problems in the health and wellness, FemTech, food, and climate/sustainability spaces. I do this because it’s imperative our voices are part of the solutions, products and companies that will create and shape markets and new industries.

For too long, we have been left out of the process. Products and solutions were being created for us but not by us, from the lens of a single (male) perspective. And, while we should 100% be more involved in women’s health and FemTech, we should also be present in non-women’s health spaces. Our perspectives and life experiences are necessary to ensure things like AI, new pharmaceutical drugs, wearables, etc. are made without some of the flagrant biases that currently exist.

Especially AI. When the quality of the responses are representative of the people doing the work and they are a homogenous group … well … we end up with things like my husband asking ChatGPT for some market data for Dr. Fowler, DCN and the answers coming back referring to me as “he” and “him”. Because, you know, only men are doctors <insert dramatic eye roll>. It’s not just LGBTQIA folx who dislike being mis-gendered.

Scrub history all you want and pretend the biases aren’t there, but that doesn’t make them any less true or real.

When I decided to focus on working with high-performing women, I got asked … well, what about men? It’s not that I won’t work with men. I’m not anti-men. You can be pro-women and not anti-men.

I support the women who are founders, CEOs and executives of those companies because they’re the warriors that need to stay healthy, strong and vital to keep these businesses going; to ensure we’re part of the solutions, products, markets and industries. I support the doctors, nurses and therapists because they help keep us healthy (ALL of us), body and mind. I support first responders because they help keep us safe. I support dancers and athletes because the arts and sports are needed to bring culture, balance and enjoyment … and because their body’s ARE their instruments, the physiological stress takes a bigger toll. I support teachers because they have one of the toughest jobs that exists today: Teaching often entitled children with zero attention spans and helicopter parents. And this is my second Why.

All of these high-performing, high-achieving women in these high-stress jobs working to do all of these things can only achieve what they need to achieve if they stay healthy and strong. If they understand what their version of balance looks like. If they learn how to harness their stress, making the good stress (yes, it’s a thing!) work for them. If they have the nutrition and lifestyle support to keep their brains and bodies at peak performance.

So there’s my purpose and there’s my Whys. I have other internal Whys that are too personal to share or that I’m just not willing to share, yet (specifically around being a good partner to my husband and around legacy).

I invite you to think about your Purpose and your Why(s).