Radical (Optimistic) Realism: How NOT to be a National Quitters Day Member
Most people will have abandoned their resolutions by January 10 aka National Quitters Day. A mere 10 days after starting. Will this be you?
“You, Helena … you’re a REALIST.” She hurled it at me like it was the worst insult she could think of. Never before had I heard someone make “realist” sound like a 4-letter word. Her intent was clear, she wanted to land a hit, but not only did I find the absurdity of the situation to be incredibly humorous, but I openly and readily describe myself as an Optimistic Realist. She didn’t know that, of course.
I thought to myself, “Yeah. I AM a realist. And it’s a damn good thing, too, because we need at least one of us here.” This occurred in a previous workplace and the reason for that is best left for another time.
It’s not that I’m not a dreamer. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’ve long been a dreamer. I have big dreams, big vision. And, as ELO (Electric Light Orchestra, for those unfamiliar) encourages, I hold on tight to my dreams. But I learned from a very young age (another lesson from my ballet days), that simply having a dream is not enough.
A dream without 1) an extremely vivid understanding of what it takes to turn the dream into reality and 2) consistent, concerted effort will likely only ever be the ephemera of a dream. Actually, I’ll amend that to say that some ignorance—willful, or otherwise—as to the extent of challenge can be an advantage. There’s probably times in your life where if you knew exactly what you were signing up for, there’s a good chance you wouldn’t have gone through with it (for whatever “it” may be for you).
Why is this top of mind for me now? I bet that’s easy to guess.
Because it’s that special time of year. That time when resolutions are made. When goals are being identified. When intentions are being set. That time of year that promises, “New Year, New You.” (ummmm, what’s so wrong with the current you?)
And, I think it’s time we embrace what I call Radical (Optimistic) Realism. Which, to be clear, is in NO WAY related to the political philosophy called “radical realism.” I’m making zero political statements.
Because, is it really realistic to run that marathon next quarter when you’ve never actually run? Is getting up at 5 a.m. (your new desired wake time) feasible on Day 1 when your current wake time is 8 a.m. and/or your current bedtime would drastically reduce the amount of sleep you get? (Not to mention the HUGE percentage of people who will start Jan 1 with a raging hangover.) Can you prioritize your mental health if you’re unwilling to maintain boundaries (whether with your phone, your family/friends, your work, or taking on too much)?
Oh the Excitement of Embarking on Something New
I understand getting swept up in the excitement of planning and goal-setting. I experience it all the time. In fact, in 2024, that excitement—in all of my realist-ness—had me leaning in too hard, over-indexing, on creating these 4 beautifully SMART goals, complete with OKRs, KPIs and subgoals … and such granular, rigid specificity that it bloated my 4 goals into 15-18 once all was said and done. Unwieldy. And, yes, unrealistic.
Not only does the irony not escape me (what can I say, I REALLY leaned into the optimism and structure), but it further fans the flames of applying Radical (Optimistic) Realism to my 2025 goals. And, I encourage you to do so, too.
For the remainder of this article, I’ll be using “dreams,” “goals,” new “habits” and “behaviors,” and other desired changes interchangeably and as equal representations of each other.
Hold on tight to your dreams. Then …
1. Be brutally honest with yourself about what your CURRENT skillset and capabilities empower you to do
We all want to believe in personal exceptionalism (yet, we’re also mired in lack of self-confidence and/or imposterism … what a paradoxical 1-2 punch to navigate). The reality is that most of us are not the Misty Copelands of the world. Yet, we approach our goals/resolutions like we are … and expect results even faster.
A nutshell primer on Misty Copeland: She’s one of the most well-known principal dancers with American Ballet Theater who started dancing in her teens (later than most) and within 1 year had exceptional technique, was in pointe shoes, won scholarships to train at the schools of several major ballet companies, then experienced a meteoric rise … all while being one of the very few Black ballerinas and navigating the challenges that came with that.
2. Figure out what the delta is between where you are and where you want to be
This can provide a dose of much-needed reality, which can help you craft a more achievable plan to actually achieve your desired goal(s). The trick here, though, is not letting the potential reality discourage you from taking on the new goal (more on that below).
3. Do your due diligence to understand what it really takes to achieve your goal, habit, behavior, or desired change
What new habits or beliefs are needed to make this happen and make it stick? Do you have the time, space, desire, support, resources and willingness to ruthlessly prioritize not just the goal but the habits and beliefs needed to achieve it?
It’s usually not just ONE new habit or behavior you’re embarking on. There’s usually additional changes needed to simply support the one you want to make. What’s the ripple effect?
Want to get more and better sleep? That probably involves looking at your current bed time, current wake time, when you eat your last meal, how much device-free time you spend before going to sleep, the bedroom environment … to name a few.
4. Consider where and how you can truly create space for this new goal
What Intentional Trade-offs are you going to make?
You only have so much energy and so much time. We often run out of energy before running out of time, which is why I encourage my Clients (and myself) to think about how much Energy you’re investing versus how much Time you’re investing. Time passes whether we like it or not; we have to actively cultivate more energy or we’ll find ourselves running on fumes, which is a disservice to ourselves and those around us.
If you’re already running at 100% of your energy and time capacity, simply trying to jam something else in there is not a likely path to success.
So, what Intentional Trade-offs will you make? What will you stop doing to make room in your life to start something new?
5. Consider what LIFE will REALLY allow you to make space for
For many of us, it’s not a lack of planning or the lack of a plan that throws us off track. It’s life; it’s the unforeseen stuff that just comes up. Sometimes we create a plan that relies on strict adherence or is entirely too rigid. Think about what’s realistic for where you are TODAY, knowing you can adapt the plan as needed. A little flexibility goes a long way.
Also think ahead about how you’ll handle roadblocks and challenges. If you’re changing your eating patterns, and you know it’s difficult to maintain your new habits while in social settings, have your contingency plan in place ahead of time, so you don’t feel pressured, overwhelmed or stressed in the moment.
6. Consider your track record. I know this one might seem scary.
Have you, at any point in your past, achieved anything similar in size, magnitude, complexity, etc. as to what you’ve decided to undertake now?
If that answer is NO, is it really, truly realistic to believe you will go from zero to all-in because the calendar went from 2024 to 2025? Instead, think about the smallest increment of change you can take on and still feel like you’re making progress.
If the answer is YES, figure out what worked for you before and, more importantly, why it worked for you before, and if it’s possible to replicate those things now.
We get to the end of the year, and decide NOW is a great time to make the biggest changes of our lives. Whether we have a track record that can support that change or not.
7. Consider whether you have the resources or tools in place to support what it takes to reach your goal
Understand what you need to take action. If you’re an active parent, do you have the childcare support you need? If you’re making diet changes, have you cleared your pantry of the things that might take you off-path? If you’re aiming for more hydration, how are you tracking your water consumption?
However, and this is key: Don’t get bogged down in everything being ***perfect*** before taking action. You don’t have to have the best shoes to go take a run, but you do need to make sure you have shoes that won’t end up causing you physical pain or injury.
8. Identify the smallest increment of change you can make to support your new, desired habit, behavior or goal
Does it make sense to start at the smallest increment of change? Does it make sense to do more? If it makes sense to do more, consistently … YES, do more.
I’ve used this term “smallest increment of change” a few times here. That’s because change is hard for most people. So, instead of thinking about ALLLLL the things and all the ways, think about the smallest way you can get started and how to build from there.
Maybe you have habits you can stack. Maybe instead of 20 minutes of mediation, starting with 2 is more feasible. Maybe instead of eliminating all caffeine, you start with reducing 1 cup of coffee. Maybe it’s working on your mindset or a limiting belief. Maybe it’s simply getting back on course and/or continuing on even when you’ve gone off-path or fallen off the proverbial horse.
9. Lastly, don’t compare
Don’t compare what works for you with what your significant other, best friend, sister, brother, colleague or roommate is doing. Let them worry about them. You can still be accountabilibuddies to each other; you can still cheer each other on.
In fact: You can be on the same adventure together but be on different journeys.
'“Don’t let the road to abandoned goals be paved with your good intentions.”
None of this is meant to discourage you. This is meant to help you get to where you want to be in a manner in which the change you seek may actually be lasting, sustainable change. It doesn't matter how good of a plan—or how good of intentions—you have on paper (or in an app). The only effective plan is the one that’s used and implemented.
Don’t let the road to abandoned goals be paved with your good intentions.
Tiny progress everyday is still progress. Better to take consistent small steps EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. than moderate leaps sporadically.
Will this Be You?
Over half of adults will make at least one resolution for 2025, according to the AP, and a third of those will be related to diet and exercise. Most people will have abandoned their resolutions by January 10 … it’s even called National Quitters Day. A mere 10 days after starting.
Hold on tight to your dreams. AND, be a Radical (Optimistic) Realist. Because when January 11 comes along, it’s going to feel really damn good to still be making progress toward your goal in a way that makes sense for your life.
Start small; don’t think small.
If you need or want help harnessing your stress and improving your nutrition, a free Discovery Call is a couple clicks away.
Originally posted as a LinkedIn article on December 31, 2024.